three

At this moment three years ago I had just realize that I was indeed in labor, and was trying to find my flip flops in between contractions.  Thank heavens the hospital was so close because !

I know this is the fourth time I have been able to cry about a child's birthday on this blog, but I'll say it again: Where did the time go??? How am I a mom to a three year old?  When did my baby grow up???

I looked back and couldn't find Hayden's birth story, so I'm going to write it now, or at least what I remember.

I was 36 weeks and 3 days, and not quite prepared or expecting him to come for a few more weeks.  I was, however, huge and uncomfortable and I whined/yelled/freaked out at work that day and announced, "I'm positive I'm just going to be pregnant forever!"  Derrick and I had started FHE at 8 pm and I was eating a bowl of rice when I started to notice sudden contractions.  These were the first I had ever had that were painful and I didn't know what to think.  They started coming every 10 to 15 minutes and were bad enough that I was really annoyed that Derrick was talking to me during them.  They stayed pretty constant and uncomfortable for a few hours so at 10 I hopped in the shower to see if the warm water would help me feel better.  It didn't.  They started getting a little more intense so I called my mom.  She said just to wait and that this was going to take a while.  We called L&D and they said that since at my last appointment I was a big fat zero and that I was a first time mom it wasn't going to happen anytime soon.  They said to come in when I couldn't talk through my contractions and they were 2 minutes apart.  So I walked around the house for a while trying to decide what was going on.  I sat in the rocking chair in the nursery holding Hayden's teddy bear and cried about how I just wanted this to be over and wanted to be rocking a baby on the outside of me.  At midnight I had Derrick give me a blessing and he started thinking about going to bed.  I begged him to stay up with me because it was getting so bad I just couldn't do it myself.  It wasn't too long after this that I realized we should go in.  So at about 12:30 am I crawled around on my hands and knees trying to find my flip flops in between contractions, and trying to breathe during them.

The ride to the hospital was only about 2 minutes long, but it felt like f o r e v e r.  When we got there I told Derrick I could walk myself because I never ever want to be in a wheel chair because I think it's embarrassing and I didn't want any attention.  So I got as far as the door before I had to stop and he made me sit in one.  L&D let me right in because of the look on my face and got me all settled in.   I was at a 4 and 80%!  After an hour I was 6+ and 100%!  That meant I was staying.  At that moment I looked at Derrick and we both realized we were going to have a baby that night!  Crazy!  We called my mom four hours away and told her to get driving! 

I got my epidural and tried to get some sleep.  I just remember stupid beeping alarms that no one would turn off, and the annoying shows that were on.  Of course, every time I would fall asleep the bp cuff would turn on or someone would come in.  The epidural slowed down my contractions a little so some doctor came and broke my water.  By 7ish I was ready to push.  I was surprised at what hard work it was.  It took an hour an a half.  But then he was finally here!  I can't even explain how it feels to look at your baby for the first time. They took him right away to check him out since he was born just a few days after the cutoff of when they would have stopped labor.  But he was perfect and healthy and squishy.  I was immediately in love, and worried, both of which I would never stop feeling.  It has been an amazing three years  He has taught me so much about real love.  He has helped to make my goals about an eternal family seem more real than ever.  I can't imagine my life without my little buddy!  I'm so blessed to be told by him often, "I 'luwh' you so much mommy."

 Happy Birthday My Hayden!  I love you so much too!