weary ramblings

I have had quite the day. I need to vent, but Derrick is super busy (and maybe a little stressed with a workload he didn't quite anticipate) and I have learned that it's sometimes best to get frustrations out somewhere else so I don't affect everyone in our house with my mood.

I guess I'm not really in a bad mood, but I'm JUST SO TIRED. Weary is a good word I guess. Today was a day where I coudln't clean up the messes as fast as the kids could make them. I should really teach him not to make a mess in the first place, but I often feel like I'm just nagging him and then getting frustrated which turns into yelling. And I have to remember he's only two years old! He's just so curious about everything.

So this morning the kids woke up when Derrick left at 7:30. I guess that's a normal time for most people to get up, but not me! I only wanted one more half hour. Can I please just have a full night's sleep sometime? Please?? Halle is sleeping better and in her crib now, but I just dream of the days when I would go to sleep and not see my alarm clock until the morning. It kind of just seems like a far away fairytale. So anyway, I got up and got us all ready (as Hayden dumps out my container of a ton of little tiny elastic bands after the twelth time I told him to stay out of my drawers). Chased the kids around to get them dressed and in the car so we could go to my old ward's mom and tots group. A friend told me they were going to visit the fire station and I knew Hayden would love it. We finally got there after a bit of a drive. I put Halle in the Moby wrap so I could have both hands free for chasing Hayden. I love the wrap, and it's the most comfortable way to carry her and have hands free for Hayden, but I feel like I'm pregnant and move a little more slowly. Hayden was just pretty much terrified of the firemen and the truck, but it was still fun to see everything. The firestation was right by a busy road and Hayden kept running off. I know I can't trust him to stay by me so the whole time I was wrangling him and making him hold my hand while he tried to wiggle away. I knew all the other moms were thinking I was just being too overprotective and maybe even mean, but he really thinks it's a game when we tell him to stay by us. He knew I was slower since I was wearing Halle and he's also at the age where he's testing me. I know he would run out in the road and it would only take a split second.

So it was over and we walked back over to the car. We had parked in the parking lot of a grocery store. I opened the door, threw in my bag and keys on the front seat, unlocked the doors, shut the door, and opened Hayden's door. Or I guess tried to open Hayden's door. Yep. I locked my keys in the car. Fantastic.

I ran over to a friend and asked to use her cell. I called Derrick to see if he had a spare. I was so worried he wouldn't. He rides the bus, so I thought his keys would be sitting on his dresser at home, 1/2 hour away, or since we don't have another car it would be an hour bus ride. I asked Derrick if I should just go to the firestation where I was and see if they coudl open it, but he didn't want them to break anything or scratch anything. He had a key! What a blessing! He said he would try to find a bus route to the grocery store, but then my friend said she would go pick it up and bring it to me. I waited with the kids in the store while she got it and brought it back. Hayden played the game of running around the store thinking I was chasing him. I just let him run. It was sad though, because it was getting lunch time and the poor kid was starving, and surrounded by food. Too bad mom left her walled in the car and he had to just stare at all this food that he couldn't have.

Charlotte brought the key back to me. What an angel. I seriously don't know what I would have done if I had to entertain those kids any longer in the store while I waited for Derrick. And it probably messed with her kids' nap and lunch schedules. I'm so grateful.

Hayden screamed on the way home because he was tired. I tried distracting him by showing him a train, but I looked back and he was asleep. That was quick! Unfortunately, he's phasing out naps so he woke up not long after he got home and his nap was way too short. Now we have an ornery kid to deal with.

After naps, a few tantrums, and lunch it was time to make a quick trip to Target for some sheets. The kids were pretty good, but it had just been a long day for everyone.

At home I had some major cleaning to do. Saturday is our big cleaning day, but we had to skip it last week because of church talks, babysitting neighbor's kids, and Derrick working on an insane project that took him literally the entire day. So as I'm cleaning one mess Hayden throws the crayons everywhere. We (meaning me mostly because he doesn't listen) pick up all the stupid crayons and throw them in the garbage because I am so insanely sick up picking them up off the floor along with all the little papers that Hayden likes to pick off them. I started working on something upstairs when I hear Hayden dumping the dominoes out... no problem. He's entertained and it's an easy clean up so I just let him. Well I went downstairs to find that he had emptied out not just the dominoes, but the entire game cabinet. It was a Phase 10, Skip-bo, Uno, Bang, Killer Bunnies, Mille Bornes, Mindtrap, domino, dice, poker chip exlopsion. Read: tons of cards and little game pieces all over the living room. Can I just lock this kid in his room? Honestly, no one needs to make a mess like that. How do I teach him to stop? Do other kids do this? Because he does something like this almost every day. Taking toys away doesn't work, because he will just go get into a utinsel drawer or pull all the toilet paper off the roll (that was earlier this morning). It's not like I am a total clean freak and have to have every little thing in order. I don't mind toys on the floor, and I really just try to clean so that our house is comfortable and so no one gets sick. I don't think I'm crazy or just stressing myself out needlessly for wanting to have our place picked up.

So I open our sheets and find out that it's missing the pillow cases so I have to take it back. And it has to be tonight because we got a new bed and we don't own any king size sheets yet. So I make dinner while Derrick wrestles with the screaming babies. We sit down to eat. Does anyone else ever feel like they never get to eat a warm meal? I'm always up and down a million times to get a kid something else. I'm hungry! Let me eat! So as we're eating Hayden says something about underwear. "Do you need to go potty, Hayden?" "No!" And then about 30 seconds later I hear that familiar sound... liquid falling on the floor. Fabulous. Derrick took care of that one (I love him), and when they came back Hayden had to finish his dinner on the kitchen floor because I was not about to get up again and clean up pee while I was trying to finish dinner.

Next: bathe kids, bed time, take a deep breath. I go back to Target while Derrick works on mounds of grading papers for work.

So I'm tired. The dishes are calling my name, but vegging out in front of the computer sounds so much more relaxing.

As I picked Derrick up from campus the other day, I watched all the students walking around. I saw a girl on a cell phone, carrying books, wearing cute clothes like she actually had time and money to spend on herself. I remember those days. When the only person you had to worry about was yourself. My time, my money, my body, my decisions on what I was wanted to do. That sounds so selfish, doesn't it? The funny thing is that I hated school. I wanted nothing more than to be a wife and a mom. The grass is always greener on the other side isn't it? I'm not saying I would want to go back to that. Not in a million years! I know how blessed I am. I have everything I've ever wanted, and it's better than I imagined. All it takes is for me to get a giggle out of Halle, hear Hayden tell Derrick about how he played dominoes with his friend Leah that day, or hear Derrick say, "Thanks for dinner honey, it was delicious!" and I know he really is grateful. It's all worth it! And the fact that I have these people forever is what gets me through the days.

So if you made it this far, you must be a true friend! Thanks for reading my ramble. It was really therapeutic and I'm already feeling lots better. Don't think I'm depressed or hating life or anything. I really am truly happy. I know how lucky I am to have very few rough trials. I think everyone has these days though.

So it's only fair if I list my favorite things about today.

• Derrick helps me whenever he can and I know he's appreciative of everything I do, and he tells me so many times a day.
• Both kids are sound asleep and safe in their beds.
• We got a new bed! It's soooo comfy! And along with a new bed comes new bedding which should be here shortly.
• I can certainly say I accomplished a lot today. At least it feels like it since I was running non stop.
• Halle is such a sweet heart! She has a smile that can make anyone's bad day turn happy.
• My angel Charlotte who helped me when I locked my keys in the car. Tender mercy for sure. I need to make her brownies or something.
• Our friend Steve who helped us get the bed because he has a truck. He's such a nice guy! He gave us lots of tips about temple trips and he has really cute (polite)kids.
• I must say, I make a pretty mean hamburger. Yummy dinner.
• Looking forward to a Chicago trip this weekend, and hopefully a temple session. It's been so long!
• Looking very forward to a trip from the in-laws. Oh I can't wait to see them! Hayden talks about all his grandparents every single day, no exaggerating.
• Whenever I help Hayden get dressed he leans over and gives me a "b i g hug!" and a kiss on the cheek.
• This moment: